sunday

up at 7:30 am
made a yummy breakfast of scrambled eggs, cheese and sausage
church with holly at 11:30 (really wish i was a morning person so i could enjoy an earlier mass)
toys r us with holly after mass to spend her $25 gift card from katie and kelsey
home for lunch...loleth's fried rice with bread
nap
got up and put christmas decorations away, not the tree that will be tomorrow
got taco bell for dinner, ding...think outside the bun
now computer time with andrew breathing down my neck to get back on
school tomorrow for andrew and holly! summer is on it's way!!

this has been a word from Nicole

new year

HAPPY NEW YEAR! to start off the new year i am sporting a tiny pimple between my eyes. maybe this will be a trend that other will pick up this year. here's hopin'! i always have loved Jan. 1. it just shouts new beginnings and possibilities. i do want this year to be different from last year and one thing i hope to grow in is faith. most likely this blog with have my questions, concerns, frustrations with faith. not that i don't have it but i want it to grow and flourish. hopefully, this is the year that it will.

this has been a word from Nicole

foundation

if u are sitting across from and proceed to tell me that u sometimes feel lost and don't know what to believe in, please don't be surprised to hear me say, "you had no foundation while u where growing up." then if u go on to tell me that u are raising your kids in no faith but you make sure they know about all the religions, don't be surprised when i say, "u are setting your kids up to feel the same way u do right now."

as a parent it is our duty to raise up our children so they have a foundation to stand on or even fall back on when they are older. i love my catholic faith but really,children raised in any faith will be much stronger when they are older then a child who isn't. people i know who went to church regularly as a child have a better sense of who they are and they r not searching all the time for the "answer". They know the answer or they know where to go to find it. For petesake Mary and Joseph (who are model parents for the world) did not to Jesus say, "hey, when u get older u can choose for yourself what to believe." (granted He was the Son of God and they knew this, but i digress) they taught Jesus the Jewish faith, they lived the Jewish faith. They raised Him up to be the Man he was Supposed to be. i find it just plain silly to say, "i don't want to push my child into a religion, he can choose when they get older." really, they get to choose. will they really choose? a child raised in a faith is more likely to hold onto the faith than a child raised without one. what do these type of parents hope to gain by not letting their children grow in faith for God? what is it they are truly afraid of?

this has been a word from Nicole

no title

the only words to describe today would be MIND NUMBING. just nothing to do put the usual stuff that i was not in the mood to do. however, i did make some awesome chili and make some progress on all the blankets that got wet during our small flood. did make it to the grocery store and bought some yummy cookies from the bakery. like i said mind numbing day.

this has been a word from nicole

there is a time for everything

i was once one of those annoying people. you know the kind whose best friend was her sister. the kind who did everything with their sister. i felt sorry for those who did not have a close relationship with their sister. i thought i was very special. now i see maybe it wasn't supposed to be that way. maybe we were too close. maybe now it's supposed to be like this. a little distance. new friendships to form with other people. maybe this is how other sisters are. jim and his drinking put our sisterhood on a whole new level for years and now his drinking has put it back to where it was supposed to be all along, i guess. i miss that closeness. i miss that look, the kind i would know exactly what she was thinking or she knew exactly what i was thinking. i miss my playmate that i would drag out into the world or stay close to in her home. now we are just normal. no longer special, just like everyone else. the time has come to change. to spread my wings and embrace all that i have missed while she and i were wrapped in her cocoon. she can have kevin and all that entails and i will have my life and all that entails and that will be alright. the death of something, even just figuratively, is painful. i have mourn my loss and accepted what has become of us. we are just sisters. sisters with husbands, kids and bills. we are just sisters who call every now and then. just normal sisters.

this has been a word from nicole

sad

we are less than two weeks from christmas and less than three weeks from new years but i am dreading jan. 13. jan. 13 was the due date for the baby i miscarried in june. i used to think about the miscarriage daily, now it is just every now and then. sometimes it hurts and sometimes it doesn't. i hope i am not aware of any dates in jan. i just want the month to go smoothly by with no sadness or happiness if that is what it takes to get me their that month.

i am thinking of blogging daily come jan. 1, 2011, kinda like julie in the movie and book julie and julia. i think if i blogged daily i would write about obama, ford, food prices, books and motherhood. maybe even in that order. lol i do have alot to say but no one is ever around to hear me.

this has been a word from nicole

yada yada yada

i can't believe i took staying pregnant for granted. when i first visited my doctor after learning i was pregnant i felt a little smug that i had three pregnancies and no miscarriages to report. i thought if i carried three babies to full term, i will with this one also. SURPRISE! how stupid was i. now i see women differently who have had miscarriages or can't even become pregnant. not that i didn't have sympthy before. now i have felt that lose and have felt that want in my arms. those are some strong woman. i see those celebrity women on tv and in magazines who are older than i am enjoying their pregnancy and i can't believe they are staying pregnant. i truely thought i was invincible when it came to being able to carry a baby to 40 weeks. when i see them i wonder if they have some secret to be able to stay pregnant. that sounds very silly but i still don't know why i miscarried and that at times is what is making me so angry.